How to communicate with hostile people

There is an inevitable kind of people that we will need to deal with in our lives: difficult people. There is a science and an art with how we can effectively deal with hostile people. 

Whether it's a difficult colleague, a family member with opposing views, or a stranger with aggressive behavior, understanding how to navigate these conversations is crucial.

I’m a lawyer, and even though I’ve only worked in the corporate environment, I’ve dealt with my fair share of hostile people in commercial negotiations and even some clients over the years.

Communicating with hostile people can be quite challenging, but it's important to approach these interactions with a level head and a clear objective. The first key strategy is to remain calm.

Hostility can easily escalate if we respond with aggression or anger. Instead, take a deep breath and maintain a composed demeanor. This can help defuse tension and create a safer space for dialogue.

Staying calm is essential. It allows you to think clearly and respond thoughtfully, rather than react impulsively.

You don't have control over the other person's behavior, but you do have control over your own. Modeling calmness may encourage the hostile person to follow suit.

Our second strategy is to actively listen.

When engaging with a hostile individual, it's crucial to understand their perspective and concerns. This doesn't mean you have to agree with them, but by actively listening, you demonstrate respect and empathy. It also provides an opportunity to uncover any underlying issues contributing to their hostility.

Active listening involves giving the other person your full attention, maintaining eye contact, and using body language that shows you're engaged. Responding with open-ended questions can also help elicit more information and encourage the hostile person to express themselves.

Effective communication is a two-way street, and listening is just as important as speaking.

The third strategy: choosing your words carefully.

When dealing with hostility, it's crucial to use non-confrontational language.

Avoid personal attacks, sarcasm, or aggressive tones that may further escalate the situation. Instead, focus on using "I" statements to express your feelings and perspectives without sounding accusatory. "I" statements are a great way to express your thoughts without putting the other person on the defensive.

For example, instead of saying, "You're wrong," you can say, "I see it differently." This helps to keep the conversation open and non-threatening.

The fourth strategy is to find common ground.

Even when faced with hostility, there is often an underlying shared interest or concern. By identifying these areas of agreement, you can shift the conversation toward more productive and constructive discussions.

Finding common ground creates a foundation for collaboration and understanding. It allows you to build rapport and bridges the gap between different perspectives. It's easier to find solutions when you focus on what you have in common rather than what separates you.

Lastly, our fifth strategy is to set boundaries when necessary.

While it's important to remain open and respectful, it's equally vital to establish boundaries if the hostility becomes abusive or crosses personal limits.

You have the right to protect yourself from emotional or physical harm.

Boundaries are essential for maintaining your well-being and ensuring healthy communication. If the situation becomes toxic or unsafe, it's important to remove yourself from it. Your safety and mental health should always be a priority.

These strategies can significantly improve your ability to navigate conversations with hostile people. It takes practice and patience to master these techniques - hopefully, you won't have to. But when you do, you need to approach these conversations with composure and empathy, you can increase the chances of reaching a more productive outcome.

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About the author:

Theo Kapodistrias is a multi-national award-winning lawyer and speaker, MC, trainer, and public speaking coach. He is passionate about community involvement and holds several voluntary positions, including as the Executive Director of TEDxHobart. His keynote speaking, training, and coaching business is designed to help professionals, business owners, and entrepreneurs to speak up, show up, and make an impact through their voice and through their words www.theokap.com.au